Valentines Nonsense Poems

Love is a serious matter, but somehow the intervention of St. Valentine produces a festival which lends itself perfectly to nonsense poetry. Valentines Day is revolves around adoration and devotion, apprehension and misapprehension and, above all, disappointment and despair. Revel in Max's surreal take on the romantic rituals and ridiculous behaviour which makes Valentines Day as much fun for spectators as participants.If music be the food of love, poetry makes an apposite side dish.

A Supine Beast

If you feel that a relationship between a fish and a land-dwelling creature is unlikely, you've a long way to go before you've fully embrace the ethos of nonsense verse.

Porcupine Valentine

The porcupine, is a beast supine, and he sings to the silvery moon,
Oh give me a girl for a bit of a twirl and a kiss that'll make me swoon,
And he spied a fish, a bit of a dish, who swam in the treacle sea,
And he said with a sigh, and a tear in his eye, yes, that is the girl for me.

And he felt alive as he took that dive, right into the ocean blue,
And he sang to the fish, it's my Valentine wish, that I spend my life with you.
But the fish she was proud, and she shouted aloud, your affection, it never just sticks,
And she turned her back - with incredible knack - on theĀ  man with a thousand pricks.

Short and Sweet

Cute and romantic, Valentine #1 almost makes sense, apart from the intriguing warden-lolly reference.

Valentine #1

If I was a weather man, I would give my brolly,
If I was a warden, I'd give you my lolly,
If I was a mighty chef, I'd bake you chocolate tart,
But as I am not any, I'll give to you my heart.

Slightly Grubby

I'm not sure whether my brain has become addled after nearly a decade of writing introductions to Max's poems, but I'm sure there's a hint of something dirty in the hose references.

Valentine #2

Won't you walk around the garden, said the hosepipe to the rake,
I'll feed you tea and choc'lit sponge and creamy Kunzel cake,
But the rake she shook her spiky head and answered no, siree,
Go twine around the hollyhocks and keep your hose off me.

Revenge is…

…sweet …a dish best served cold …or in Max's case a strange bitter-sweet confection which combines pathos with cold blooded murder.

Valentine #3

She sent him hearts and flowers, he only sent her tears,
And promised his undying love in spite of all her fears.
But he took her fragile china heart and shattered it like ice,
So she drew a gun and shot him dead, which really wasn't nice.
And she told the court of her great love, come thunder, rain or fine,
But she shot him when he wouldn't be, her lonely Valentine.

Twitt, Twitter, Twittiest

The word of social media collides with a grammarian's wet dream in a poem which is unadulterated nonsense.

Hashtag Love

Hashtag Joe and Aunty Flo went down to c the c, [#lol]
They ate a comma soaked in cream and fullstops for their tea. [#yumyum]
Joe played the exclamation mark, his Aunty played a bracket, [#musicality]
But Hashtag folks did say aloud, it was a bloody racket. [#thumpthump]