There once lived a girl called Nancy McPhee,
Who wouldn't drink water, wouldn't drink tea,
She always refused coffee and wouldn't touch beer,
And whisky appalled her and never got near.
Her brother offered brandy and her father offered schnapps,
But not could they persuade her, those good heroic chaps,
And Nancy just got drier, upon the dining chair,
It drove her mother frantic, it was too much to bear.
She said, oh my daughter, you really must drink,
I think not, said Nancy, I've consulted my shrink,
He says no more water or camomile tea,
No OJ, no Appletise, or Tizer for me,
My heart is empty, I'm a human drought,
So go away, I've told you, don't mess me about.
Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved