Doctors, Nurses and Medical Nonsense

An infectiously funny collection of Max Scratchmann's medical poems and unhealthy nonsense verse. The poems meander delightfully through a miasma of cruel, unusual and mundane medical conditions, treating doctors and patients with equal disdain.

The Doctor’s Song

A poem about the doctor patient relationship which is scarily close to the reality of medical life.

Nancy Goes Dry

An intriguing nonsense verse in which the eponymous heroine refuses to imbibe anything and so seems destined to a life of dehydration.

The Hurtin’ Blues

A severe case of sore feet is treated to a radical cure.

Bertie’s Little Problem

Priapism is the medical term that describes 'Bertie's little problem', which is both surprisingly common and extraordinarily difficult to treat. In this case, Bertie takes the problem into his own hands, a course of action which produces a most unpleasant outcome.

Little Blue Pills

A piece in praise of those little blue diamond shaped pills which promise a cure for erectile dysfunction. If the introductions confused you, I'd skip the poem.

Rubber Boy

The title might suggest something in the fetish line, but this is a simple nonsense verse about Reginald Revicticus, a boy with foam rubber bones.

The Tragic Tale of Albert Ignatius

In the fine tradition of Struwwelpeter, this is a cautionary verse for children about Albert Ignatious, who suffers a terrible fate as a result of his obsession with health and hygiene.