Bad-Breath Ronald

There once lived a boy called Ronald McKeith,
Who point-blank refused to brush all his teeth.
His mother said, Ronald, your teeth you must clean,
With toothpaste and floss and some green Mr Sheen,

But Ronnie said, Mumsie, I like my teeth yellow,
And to have halitosis each time I do bellow,
I won’t have your mouthwash and won’t have your floss,
And if you don’t like it, well, I don’t give a toss.

His mother said, right, we'll see just who’s tough,
And said to her husband, it’s time to get rough,
And they dragged off poor Ronald in the dead of the night,
And put him in a coffin and locked it up tight,

And Mum said, look here, Ronnie, there’s a toothbrush inside,
Come out when your smile both clean and quite wide,
But Ronald used the brush to shine up his shoes,
And drew up a fresco of the King of the Jews,
So his mother threw the coffin off the end of the pier,
Said, brush them or drown, and he drowned, folks, I fear.

A Fatal Case of Halitosis

Bad-Breath Ronald recounts the tragic consequences of Ronald's absolute refusal to clean his teeth.


Cautionary Verse


Max Scratchmann

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