The Bad Luck Kid

This is the story of Jonathon Swell,
A boy who was destined to get on not well,
He failed at arithmetic and he failed at the gym,
He couldn't do handstands or walk round the rim.

One day he was sitting all filled with despair,
When a sparkling white light quite lit up the air,
And he said to the fairy, for indeed, it was she,
Have you got three goodly wishes for little old me?

But the sprite shook her head, said, no, I have not,
Got wishes for you, though wishes I've got,
I've not my right glasses and I mistook your gate,
When delivering wishes for one-hundred-and-eight.

And he let out a howl of anguish and rage,
I've had enough of this life, I'm at the end of my page,
And he leapt from his window and plunged to the ground,
Where in the morning he was found by his faithful old hound.

And he said, am I dead? The dog answered, no,
When ending it all use the upper window,
And so he lived out his life to an old age quite ripe,
Till he finally croaked when he choked on his pipe.

And the mourners did say, though his life always ailed,
He was always a tryer, though he tried and he failed.