Your life is full of shit and crap, your life is full of woe,
Your microwave has popped its clogs, you've broken your big toe.
Your cat is hooked on methadone, your dog is in AA,
Your Aunty Flo has said she's gay and eloped to Santa Fey,
Your boss is your worst nightmare and your neighbours are from hell,
And your cousin from the TA, has stolen a church bell,
It's sitting in your living room and the police are at your door,
You thought they'd find it but, alas, it's fallen through the floor.
The vicar's disappointed, she's fallen off her bike,
And expressed deep love for you when you thought she was a dyke.
Your Aunty Mildred's come to tea, she's a bleedin' vegetarian,
And you've served her up that salmon sauce that you bought at the Aquarium.
So you drop and die of heart disease, it seems a good solution,
But Heaven's not the place it was, it's been ruined by pollution.
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