My Rubber Hebrew Nose

I saw it in a magazine, I sent off two and six,
It would break the ice at parties and fix me double quick,
I'm sure to be successful and quite popular, I suppose,
Now that I'm the owner of a rubber Hebrew nose.

I can sing like Jimmy Durante or dance like Fannie Bryce,
Or play like the Marx Brothers, but that really wouldn't be nice,
For all that women seek from me, after their Athol Brose,
Is a moonlight solo serenade from my rubber Hebrew nose.

So I'm waiting for the postman with my package in the post,
He has two dozen parcels but there's one that I want most,
I don't care about the roasting pan or length of garden hose,
I only want the envelope with my rubber Hebrew nose.