The Tragic Ballad of Rufus the Dog

Rufus the terrier lived on a ranch,
He used to run a shop, but it was only a branch,
He spent his days singing, under the jacaranda tree,
He used to charge admission, but now he sings for free.

There is a fat old lady, who lives down the lane,
Other dogs like her, but she gives Rufus a pain,
She spends every day, kneading home-baked bread,
It is pretty dire stuff, Rufus wishes she was dead.

One day she comes round, drops her drawers on the table,
Says, make me happy, Rufus, and you can call me Mabel,
But Rufus says, no Mam, this doggie aint your pup,
Despite those big titties, of tea you aint my cup.

And my heart it do belong, to Sula from Bombay,
She says she do love me, but she still makes me pay.
So Mabel left the room and went back to her farm,
If I meet this harlot Sula, I'm going to do the bitch some harm.

But then she met Linus, who travelled in lingerie,
He showed her his projection, it fairly made her day,
While Rufus sat a-howling beneath the harvest moon,
I really hope Air India, comes flying by real soon.

Down Boy!

A tangled tale about the relationship between a fat old lady and a terrier called Rufus. It's very funny and also slightly disturbing.


Rude Rhymes


Max Scratchmann

Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved

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