Eat Your Greens

Gretchen Jerusalem, Montague Deans,
Completely refused to eat-up her greens,
She said no to carrots and broccoli too,
And sent all her cabbage to Regent’s Park Zoo.

Her mother tried bribery, her Gran tried coercion,
But couldn't get Gretchen to eat up her gherkin,
And she spat out her apples and banana delight,
Which gave a poor waitress a terrible fright.

Cauliflower, marrow and prickly pear,
Gretchen did turn out and leave on the stair,
And she said to her betters, if it grows in the ground,
On my dinner plate it will never be found.

But what is this hatred, her parents did plea,
Well, honest, said Gretchen, it’s exposed to dog pee,
Stray mutts who are passing just cock up their legs,
And water tomatoes who sit in their kegs.

You’re right, said her mother, these veggies must stop,
I'll take it up now at the grocery shop,
So they went down to Sainsbury’s, and said, is it fine,
That veggies are watered with pee and urine?

But the grocer said, smiling, come folks, what’s the harm?
While he secretly shopped them to the state funny farm,
And now the whole family are shut up, quite tight,
In the veggie-free territory of those men dressed in white.

Taking the Piss

There's more than a hint of truth in Gretchen's accusations of 'watered greens'.


Cautionary Verse


Max Scratchmann

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