Anthony Ignatius Gladstone McGloon,
Went to his mother to ask for the moon,
A pound of green cheese-spread and a stardust delight,
Four kilos of sparkle and a fifty watt light.
Why, Tony, you're funny, his Mum did declare,
Then she kicked him downstairs and set fire to his hair,
And as he lay dying he asked, in voice low,
What gives with the violence, you mean so-and-so?
And she smiled as she watched him take rasping last breath,
Well, I've never really liked you, so I've put you to death,
Plus you cost me to feed you, it's free in the tomb,
And, also, of course, I can rent out your room.
So he died on that floor, in the grips of a stitch,
But his loving last words were, I'll haunt you, you bitch!
Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved