I wanted to be quiet but I found it couldn't be done,
I tried a vow of silence but that wasn't any fun,
I said that I would shut up for the whole fortnight of Lent,
But then I went and talked about the price of hops in Kent.
I wanted to be quiet for a wedding in the church,
But I just sat a-yakking till the bride was in the lurch,
Because the groom defected ‘cause he couldn't stand the din,
And now the wedding's cancelled and it's on account of him.
But my verbal diarrhoea went on for days and days,
I even took to phoning the call-centre down at Kays,
The tele-girls refused my calls, they said I was a bore,
And they actually diverted me to the call centre next door.
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