Alphabet Zoo

Have a Camel, darling, said the Dromedary, do,
And come, my dear, and take my arm, and perambulate the zoo,
The Lion and the Unicorn are sleeping with the Lamb,
The Sheep are homosexual but no-one gives a damn.

The Tigers they are burning bright but William Blake is dead,
The Penguin’s in back alley-ways, the Chimps are giving head,
And all the little Spaniel pups are watching soaps on telly,
While Earnest, the performing Seal, is eating crisps and jelly.

And Ermintrude, the She-Wolf-Bitch, is sampling her embroidery,
While all the dyke zoo keepers are undertaking joinery,
But Clemency, the general’s daughter, sails down the Serpentine,
And asks a shocked John Betjeman if he might have the time.

It is a fine a summer’s day, we all know what to do,
Put on our Sunday bonnets and head off to the zoo.

A Bestiary

Talking, smoking bactrians are one of the more mundane elements in this strange tale of zoo life.


Rude Rhymes


Max Scratchmann

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