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Ella was a cheeky child, a most precocious nipper,
She grew up mean and did become a by-the-hour pub stripper.
She dropped them at the Dog & Duck, she wiggled at the Crown,
And threw her pants up too the roof at the old Newcastle Brown.

One day a lad called Sunny Jim called by to pay a call,
He said that I can get for you a placing at the mall.
The mall, she asked, he did reply, all in the right context,
They're stripping in the aisles of Boots and at the front of Next.

She took the gig and strut her stuff, they cheered her red suspender,
But management, they threw her out, her thong was Marks 'n' Spencer.