Joanie Bum Pimple

There once lived a girl called Joanie Harper-Plum,
Who went to the doctor with a pimple on her bum.
She said, Please, Doctor, Doctor, I have a malady,
The doctor said, oh yes, my dear, please show the thing to me.

She went behind the curtain, behind the Red Cross stickers,
And there took down her trousers, and then took down her knickers,
Then she called the old physician, and said please take a look,
The doctor said, My God, my dear, that's one enormous plook!

He went to get a scalpel that he heated in a flame,
And Joanie took a slug of grog and called her maker's name,
The doctor said, Be brave, my girl, this might just hurt a bit,
And Joanie yelled, You're bloody right, you old short-sighted git!

You've haven't got the pimple, you've sliced my 'effin' nose,
However will I get a bloke, do you, old man, suppose?
The doctor said, Please worry not, my darling little tot,
For I have fallen very hard for your pimpled little bot.

And even though you miss a nose, I think I am in love,
So say that you will marry me, my little turtle dove.
But Joanie said, Alas, old man, you need a pair of specs,
And, as for me, I wants a man who'll give me lots of sex.

The doctor gave a little cough, said, Lie down on my couch,
I'll show to you a real good time for which my nurse will vouch,
And Joanie felt a mighty tower inflate deep down below,
Oh, Doctor Jones, she loudly cried, I'll be your little ho!

And thus they both were duly wed for many years to come,
And Joanie said, I owe it all, to that pimple on my bum.