More Nonsense Poems about Sex

Things are hotting up, with a further collection of nonsense poems on themes as diverse as fellatio, cunnilingus, bondage and go-go dancing. Those unfamiliar with nonsense verse or Max Scratchmann's poetry may like to get their eye in with some clean nonsense poems before tackling these spicier offerings.

Island Bondage

Max assures me that peedie is a Scottish diminutive which means simply little, rather than indicating an interest involving water sports. After all, one fetish should be enough for most people!

Joanie Bum Pimple

Harmony claims that one third of all marriages begin on its online dating site, but quite a significant number still result from encounters on a doctor's couch.

The True Story of Little Red Riding Hood

A twisted retelling of the traditional story of Little Red Riding Hood and the grannicidal wolf.

Siggurd’s Sausage

Max lived for a period on Orkney and later recounted his experiences in a book Chucking it All: How Downshifting to a Windswept Scottish Island Did Absolutely Nothing to Improve My Quality of Life which did not go down well with the islanders. Let's hope they don't follow his poetry.

Bethany’s Song

More poetry on the theme of priapism.

The Fall of Betty

Betty led a troubled life before being recruited by MI5 as an undercover agent, in every sense of the word.

Dining Out in the Suburbs

A husband who won't go the extra mile is supplanted by a next door neighbour who is happy to attend to his neighbour's lady garden.

The Bawdy Tale of Jasper Jasper

The rampant Jasper Jasper signally fails to capture the heart, mind or body of his intended victim.

The Road to Tumble-Downs

As you sow, so shall you reap.

The Life and Death of Sabrina

A go-go dancer in a low class joint dreams of stardom.

One I Made Earlier

Aberrant sexual behaviour can usually be traced to our formative years!

Shady Lady

The shady lady in question is a rather exotic, Gitane-smoking prostitute named Cleopatra, so you can guess the rest. Or perhaps you can't.

The Red Shoes in Limericks

A triple limerick which is explicitly sexual and sexually explicit.

Mr Medusa

Understanding the poem would be aided if you're familiar with the term propylaeum - I wasn't and I'm not sure that I can.

Red Hot Rita

A sex fantasy cum poem about Red Hot Rita, a meter maid and much more besides.